Composing a "MISSION STATEMENT" For Your Marriage
(From the book, Marriage Clues for the Clueless)
In his best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen Covey Advocates the practice of writing a "personal mission statement." Such a unique document "focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based."
Many individuals have found that such a written creed has helped them stay focused on what matters most in life. Acting as a kind of "personal constitution," a mission statement serves as a helpful guide for daily decision making. It keeps us on track spiritually, morally, and relationally so that when we get to the end of life we do not look back and feel large measures of regret.
Married couples can also benefit greatly from this process of careful planning and intentional living.
Here are some ways you can stop reacting to life and start living proactively in your marriage:1. Take a long, hard look at your own character. Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Take stock of your gifts and abilities, as well as the blessings and experiences God has put in your life. Think back over your successes and failures. Analyze your God-given passions (e.g., a desire to make a difference in a certain area).
2. Envision yourselves at the end of life. It's your sixtieth or sixty-fifth wedding anniversary, say, and you're gathered with your children and grandchildren (maybe even great-grandchildren!) They are throwing a big surprise shindig for you, and reflecting on your life together. They are telling stories and expressing their love.
• What memories do you want them to have?
• What accomplishments do you want to be able to look back over
• What character qualities do you want them to remember about you?
• What values do you want your children and their descendants to have learned from you?
• In short, what kind of legacy do you want to leave?
3. Talk to your spouse at length about your values, hopes, dreams, and ideals. Think specifically about these matters. Plan on spending a long time on this exercise. Don't imagine you can complete this assignment while you're watching Wheel of Fortune! In essence you are trying to summarize all that you want to live for into a concise statement. You are writing your epitaph in advance.
4. Prayerfully begin writing. Envision what you need to do now to get to where you'd like to end up. maybe you have a long time left, maybe the kids are grown and gone and you are approaching retirement. It does not matter.
• Your Marriage Mission Statement This is where you want to go. It should reflect your purpose in life – your reason for being together. God’s plan for your marriage.
• Your Goals point you in the right direction. They are the specific things you want to accomplish together. Maybe...to enter full time ministry, retire by 55, have 6 children, a college education for your kids, give 50% of your income to the church, start a ministry, etc
• Your Objectives keep you on track day to day. They are the specific steps toward your goals. Like...Get a masters degree, save a certain amount of money for school, don’t miss any of your kids’ games, have a family vacation every year, etc.
You might have specific goals and objectives in any one or all of these areas. Then again, you may leave one or more out completely:
• Spirituality (relationship with God)• Family (in terms of relating to parents, children, etc.)
• Physical (in terms of maintaining your health and fitness)
• Financial (in terms of giving, saving, and spending money)
• Social (in terms of maintaining and developing friendships)
• Vocational (in career and/or employment situations)
• Recreational (in terms of leisure activities, vacations, etc.)
• Intellectual (in terms of continued mental growth and stimulation)
