happily marred

           He who loves his wife loves himself - Ephesians 5:28

Theme: A vow is more than a promise or an agreement to one another, but a solenm promise made to God.

“The call to be married bears comparison with Jesus’ advice to the rich young man to sell all his possessions and to follow him. It is a vocation of total abandonment. For most people, in fact, marriage is the single most wholehearted step they will ever take toward the fulfillment of Jesus’ command to love one ‘s neighbor as oneself For every marriage partner begins as a neighbor, and often enough a neighbor who has been left beaten and wounded on the road of love, whom all the rest of the world has in a sense passed by’ (103).

What does the wedding vow mean to a Christian couple?

The vows that a couple makes at their wedding are much more than ritualistic trite sayings, but are in fact holy pledges. These may “be the only truly sacred words that that ever escape a couple ‘s mouths. The saying of them requires about thirty seconds, but the keeping of them is the work of a lfetime” (105). What then is the difference between a promise and a vow? Vow: A solemn promise made to God either to do or to abstain from some action. Or, an older dictionary states that it is voluntary, but once made is conscientiously fulfilled (Deut 23:21-23; Ecc 1:5; Neh 1.15; Ps 1, 14; Prov 20:25. (Someone has said that a promise is temporal, and a vow is eternal — what do you think)?

“To keep a vow, however, does not mean to keep from breaking it. This is where a vow dffers from a mere promise or resolution. A resolution, once broken, must either be forgotten or made again. But a vow retains its power and validity irrespective of conduct” (105). "To keep a vow, therefore, means not to keep from breaking it, but to devote the rest of one ‘s flfe to discovering what the vow means, and be willing to change and grow accordingly” (106).

The marriage vows are impossible to keep and impossible to walk away from (104). You cannot promise to love another person, but you can vow to love them (106). 

What does it mean to vow something to someone? 

When the feelings are gone, is the commitment gone? NO!

That is why, as Mason states, “the taking of vows is an act of faith” (109). “If people were faithful by nature, vows would not be necessary; their yes would be yes and their no would be no. But it is because people are not inherently faithful nor honest nor loving that hey must stand up and declare that they will be. The public declaration does not automatically transform them into marvelous creatures of virtue who will always keep to their word. On the contrary, it only makes more obvious and public their complete lack ofpersonal virtue, calling upon the witness and support of the whole community of their friends and relatives and emphasizing their dependence upon resources that are utterly beyond human strength. The marriage vows give glory to God” (109).

Do you believe that God actually helps you keep your vows, helps you to continue to love your spouse, or is it your own diligence that keeps you two together? Our marriages find themselves rooted in the biblical concept of Covenant. This is where “two parties so bind themselves to one another that the simple maintenance of their relationship becomes the most important and central thing in all of itfe, and the basis from which everything else flows” (117).

Application: We are to love our spouse with a vowed love that is not dependent upon happiness or any of the hallmarks of success. Ask God for His grace and mercy to love your spouse with His faithfulness, His compassion, His perseverance, and His strength. You may not be in love, but God will give you the strength to love and that is a very good thing.

Tonite Rich Bassett began a 6 week series based on "The Mystery of Marriage" by Mike Mason. Click on the link to buy it on Amazon.com.

These are the notes Rich provided us - I’ll post them here each week in case you want to look at them later.

Three things there are too wonderful for me,
Four which I do not comprehend,
The way of an eagle in the air,
The way of a snake on a rock,
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea,
And the way of a man with a maid.

Proverbs 30: 18-19

How beautiful you are my darling! Oh how beautiful! . . . You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes (Song of Songs 4:1, 9) .

In The Dungeon:

“In marriage, one of the deepest and most ethereal mysteries in all of life is demystfied before our very eyes. For when we get married, love itself comes to live with us. That thing we have been chasing ever since we were old enough to believe (however naively) that it must or could be sought, has taken off all its clothes and stretched itself out on our very own bed and announced that it is here to stay… That which was unapproachable becomes that which cannot be gotten rid of’ (59).

• No one escapes love without the feeling of imprisonment (60)

• Marriage is like a steel trap that will not let you go

• Matt 11:28-30, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The picture of the YOKE is a great example of two people coupled together for a greater good. “there is only one way to get untrapped, and that is to relax and start learning more about love than we ever wanted to know” (61).

Kismet or Grace?

“One question that is raised as to whether falling in love is a matter offate or coincidence. We wonder whether there is one special person for us, or whether given just the right circumstances we might equally fall in love with any number of suitable candidates, or indeed with anyone at all” (66).

If you believe that God has ordained your relationship from the beginning of time, does that ruin the freshness and spontaneity of the love?

As you love, are you able to do it unselfishly?

Mason says that when a person hears that they are loved by their spouse; do they realize that they are being told that they are loved by God? “The love of others is intended to be one of the clearest of all signs that to us that we are indeed loved by God. For whoever truly loves, loves the Lord, and whoever is loved, is loved by the Lord” (74).