happily marred

To stand firm in the battle for our marriages, we must be prepared. We can never assume that having a good marriage shelters us from temptation. In this age of "anything goes," the wise woman will purposefully build walls around her marriage ahead of time to help close the door on opportunities for temptation…let’s look at eight areas in which we can develop habits that build walls of protection around our marriage.

1. Protect your marriage through daily times with God. I cannot emphasize strongly enough that your personal, daily time with the Lord builds an enormous wall of protection around your marriage. Time with the Lord each day immediately impacts your relationship with your spouse. When you fail to meet with God, your heart becomes hardened to the Lord and to His truths. And once that snowball of sin begins rolling, your marriage is instantly endangered. But as you cling to Him each day, you will confess sin and continue to grow in Christ’s likeness. As you keep God in His rightful place, not only will your marriage experience dramatic differences, but all of your relationships will be affected.

2. Protecting your marriage by safeguarding your relationships with other men. You should never spend time alone with a man other than your husband. This included sports activities. Many an affair has started with the "harmless" act of a pleasant evening jog together. If your husband can’t participate in the activity with you, do it alone, do it in a group (preferably of women), or not at all.

3. Protect your marriage through boundaries in the workplace. If ever a situation needed solid protective walls firmly entrenched around it to prevent infidelity, the workplace is it. Such protection requires predetermined decisions, all maintained through accountability to your husband and to other women. The practices of establishing an invisible wall and refraining from personal contact and conversations with other men are utterly critical. Without predetermining to follow these safeguards, you will effectively set yourself up to fall.

4. Protect your marriage through discretion in clothing. Men become easily aroused sexually by the stimulation of sight. Therefore, what we wear is very important. To attract men to you sexually by the clothing you choose is to defraud them because you cannot (or should not!) fulfill the desire you arouse. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 tells us, "For this is the will of God…that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor…and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in this matter."

5. Protect your marriage by guarding your eyes and ears. As for all of the Christian life, the key to guarding our eyes and ears is for each of us to remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit. We must take care to not engage in anything that draws our thoughts and hearts away from the Lord and from our husbands. By guarding what we see and hear, we keep impurity out and strengthen the walls around our marriage.

6. Protect your marriage by guarding against the lure of the Internet. Any married woman seeking to fulfill her emotional needs through an Internet relationship must realize that her pursuits will lead only to heartache and enormous disappointment. Genuine godly love—the desire of every heart—can be found only in a committed relationship based on unconditional love. And though an Internet love relationship may be based on fantasy, virtual infidelity causes actual pain. The devastation to the spouse can be just as painful as if the partner had been involved in a sexual affair. The broken trust and the regrets are just as difficult to repair.

7. Protect your marriage by spending time together. One of the best guards against infidelity comes from having your emotional needs met within your marriage. That means sticking to the plan of spending time alone together each week! Unless we purposefully protect that time, all of life’s little "urgent" needs will undermine our marital intimacy like termites that slowly eat away the foundation of a house. What can be more urgent than protecting your marriage?

8. Protect your marriage through accountability. Accountability to a mature godly woman [is] invaluable…Accountability may be the key issue that makes or breaks our faithfulness to God and to our spouse.

These eight crucial practices will strengthen and fortify the walls around your marriage. God may also show you other safeguards that are equally as important for your life and your particular vulnerabilities.

Adapted by permission from The Enticement of the Forbidden by Judy Starr. Published by LifeConneXions, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ, Copyright ©2004 by Judy Starr. All rights reserved.

To learn more about each other and therefore communicate better and have better marriages, I want to look at some women in the bible – their character, what made them tick, why their story was chosen to endure for these centuries.

These 2 stories have to do with the excersize of hospitality and grace. Now before you scream sexist, let me explain that I understand that those attributes are not exclusive to women, but most of the time, at least in the context of the home – they ARE. And these stories are about women.

Paul met Lydia in Macedonia – she was the first convert of that region and opened her home to Paul and Silas. She insisted on this as a believer. Within a very short time her home then became the first church in Phillipi. Not much more is said about Lydia, but this act of hospitality was the opening of Paul’s mission field.

Then there is Mary and Martha who similarly opened their home to Jesus and the disciples. The way the story played out, it could have been Martha Stewart who was engaged in all the preparation and work of hospitality, but missed the purpose behind it all. ( I wonder if some of the disciples were wishing Mary would help get some food on the table too?) I’ve had to wait for my food while Vickie finished a conversation with a needy person before, so I know how they felt.

In “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community” social scientist Robert Putnam of Harvard argues that the United States has undergone an unprecedented collapse in civic, social, associational, and political life  since the 1960s, with serious negative consequences. Though he measured this decline in data of many varieties, his most striking point was that virtually every traditional civic, social and fraternal organization — typified by bowling leagues — had undergone a massive decline in membership while the number of people bowling increased drastically.

In “The Great Good Place”, sociologist Ray Oldenburg finds that three elements are necessary for a healthy society: family, work, and a "third place." Oldenburg argues that this "third place" must be open and inclusive, must be in neutral territory with regular participants and offer a lot of conversation—a place like Cheers, where everybody knows your name.

Arguably, the greatest modern day practitioner of hospitality was the late Fred Rogers. In an editorial eulogizing Mr. Rogers (himself an ordained minister), Smith College professor of religion Carol Zaleski correctly surmised, "The disciplined, courteous, loving attention which he gave to each person, as a marvel of supreme worth, was what made Fred Rogers a source of endless comfort for his young viewers. You are special, he sang to them, and you can never go down the drain."

The gospel of hospitality isn’t the same as friendship evangelism. Friendship evangelism uses common interests to draw in the unchurched. It emphasizes outreach for the sake of meeting perspective Christians and forming authentic relationships that gradually permit exposure to the gospel. Hospitality evangelism doesn’t take stock of common interests or preoccupations. All that it requires is presence. Through us, God does the rest. It is the Martha work performed with the heart of Mary.

This past Sunday, Ronnie talked about using the grill for neighborhood cookouts to create openings for relationships and opportunities to present the gospel.

The church used to have influence in the community, but now we are looking for new and better ways to engage people for the cause of Christ – servant evangelism, community seminars, etc.

• What is it about hospitality that is Godly? What about it is LIKE God?

• What is the purpose of hospitality in the kingdom?

• Who is in charge of hospitality? Why?

Now, I don’t what this particular function in the home is called, but it surely is a ministry as everyone in here will agree. I will just call it grace. Here is the story of Abigail.

I don’t think it is unimportant that apparently Abigail had prepared her home for festival time during this time of shearing. She had plenty of food on hand and lots of guests.

It is also not lost on us that she had a good relationship with her husband’s employees as one had come to her to tell her what was happening. She had probably prepared meals for him and the other employees. She was a hospitable woman, but as the story illustrates, she was a

The lessons on wisdom, honesty and humility are immediately apparent, but this story is purposely set in the context of a marriage those lessons could have been conveyed in any number of other ways.

I think the lesson for our homes and marriages is the effect of the absence of hospitality. The story of Abigial and Nabal is significant (and unique) in it’s conclusion – that tragedy was averted. In our modern lives, how many souls are turned away by our lack of hospitality?

In the Middle East even today (notwithstanding traditional tribal and nationalistic hostilities), hospitality is looked upon as an obligation and even a responsibility. Look at the story of Lot who was ready to give up his daughters to the crowd in order to protect the safety of the guests in his home. It is no wonder that some Christian traditions include hospitality as a spiritual gift. In our culture, true hospitality is rare, but it may be one of our best tools to present the gospel.