Making Time for the Important
Last week we took some time to work on writing our marriage mission statements. I am handing out those sheets again for those who missed last week.
Directly related to our marriage mission statement is making our time expenditures subject to our goals and objectives rather than trying to wrestle time out of our schedules to do what needs to be done and hope we meet our objectives in the process.
Jesus appeared to be active in his ministry, but I would not call him “busy”. Obviously he got a lot done, but that probably has more to do with being “effective” than busy.
There seemed always to be time for fellowship, meals together and talking. He never developed a “catch-phrase” or logo for his message or anything to be able to cut to the chase when talking to people – “turn or burn”, or maybe a little fish for your donkey - something to save a little time.
Life’s ultimate meaning is to be found in personal relationships, our relationship with Christ being the most important. Our marriages and children next, then others - perhaps extended family, perhaps not. That is to say that our goals as Christians will necessarily reflect that priority of Christ’s.
Personal relationships seemed to be his only focus while on earth. Of 12 disciples, not one was ever assigned as a scribe and yet he knew of the importance of his message to all the ages. Do you guess he knew there would be time for writing it all down later? Did he purposely prioritize that task to be done once he was gone? Did he forget or was he the original author of keeping the main thing the main thing? Was he modeling this behavior for our lives or was it just a by-product the way people lived back then?
Could it be we have substituted activity for accomplishment in our modern world? Do we sacrifice the important for the immediate?
Analyzing Our Use of Time
There are a number of ways to find more time to do the things we need to do to accomplish our goals, but discovering how we spend our time now is the first step.
We all have 1440 minutes in a day. How we use it is up to us…well, not really you say, others own much of that time – work, repairs around the house, cooking cleaning. But this time reflects choices you have made in the past.
Maybe you can’t change them right now, but you must recognize that they were your choices. Here’s a personal time study sheet you can carry with you for a day or two and see how it shakes out. BUT DO NOT ENSLAVE YOURSELF TO A TIME STUDY. It’s purpose is not to map out how you can squeeze every last minute of time out of it.
Study it from another aspect. How many of those activities are propelling you toward your goals? How many are just plain habits and do nothing to help you accomplish your mission? In other words, don’t look for “wasted time”, look for wasted opportunities. Then start tweaking.
1. Decide What to Eliminate
What are you doing that does not serve your priorities? If you answer that, you know what you can eliminate. You may be doing good things – wholesome, enjoyable activities – but they don’t help you achieve your goals.
Scott and LaVonda loved coming to this group, but he was presented with an opportunity to lead a small group of non-Christians in a Purpose Driven Life class. He had to choose. This marriage group was important, but working together to reach unbelievers with the gospel was a better for them right now.
Needless to say, TV is probably going to be the biggest thief of our time. TV is not bad in itself. Lots of people unwind, relax and stay informed with the TV. Just be willing to recognize when the TV is ruling YOU. If you know who “Nick and Jessica” are, you probably watch too much TV!
Don’t try to eliminate it – it’s a set-up for failure and discouragement. Replace it with an activity that promotes intimacy, brings you closer to your goals, and encourages mental, physical or spiritual health. I know – easier said than done. But this why you set your goals in the first place.
2. Delegate Some Responsibilities
To the children. I know…you’ve already thought of that – it takes more time to beg, plead and follow up than you ever save. It is like that for a while, but stick with it for a week, enforce the consequences and it will become second nature. Furthermore, they will learn from it – things like responsibility, commitment, quality work as well as practical training in household tasks. This in itself may serve your goals to be a better parent.
Hire someone to do things for you. Do you do your own oil changes, yard work and repairs around the house? Do you both work full time, AND try to keep up a house? Can you afford a maid? A lawn service or a mechanic? It might just save a little time for a little expense, but what could you do with that extra hour or two a week when you are not cutting the lawn?
Most of us eat out so often we take it for granted. Just a change of attitude changes this from a quick meal to an hour of time for just the two of us. Approaching as time together rather than just eating can make all the difference.
3. Scheduling Ahead
Dates, alone time, SEX. I never thought of that, but there is no law that sex must be spontaneous or it doesn’t count. If it’s not happening – force it. Desperate times call for desperate measures. All those clichés.
You must make time for the most important things, the most important relationship in your life. If other things, events and commitments are taking precedent, you must force the priority of your marriage upon your schedule.
Don’t neglect time for yourself. To pray, think, read the bible or do other activities that are important to you. My son plays basketball. At the level he plays, it is not something he can share with a wife or many others, but to him it is important physically and mentally to be able to play regularly.
I don’t want to ignore the fact that sometimes time barriers are really emotional barriers. Not being able to find time to be alone sometimes means you do not WANT to be alone. The TV is sometimes a filter or a hedge against intimacy. Time management won’t take care of those issues. If this is the problem, you will find your scheduling, delegating and eliminating is a waste of time – you’ll be right back in the same mess soon enough.
