Divorce and Remarriage
Some of us in this group have been divorced and are remarried. Some struggled with the biblical justification of it, others did it without that consideration. In any case, I will venture a guess that everyone in the group has been impacted by divorce - your parents, children or friends. Maybe a pastor, a person you admired; someone famous.
As a Christian in fellowship with other Christians, you’ve probably been asked for advice or an opinion on divorce by a fellow believer - maybe a non-believer. It helps to know what we believe about divorce so we can have a ready answer for people with questions.
But even if divorce is the furthest thing from our minds in our own marriages, learning how God views it can help us to conduct our marriages in a way that is pleasing to him and beneficial for us.
Everyone well knows that the bible says that God hates divorce (Mal. 2:14). Extrapolated from this one verse, many Christian churches teach that divorce is sinful. This is a simplistic explanation of God’s view of divorce. Certainly he hates it, but not because a “rule” was broken. He hates it because it represents the breaking of a covenantal oath. The same kind of covenantal oath he has made with us through His son.
This is not to say that sin is not involved. Certainly one partner has sinned and often both are sinning in the divorce. Just because one is “in the right” in a situation does not mean that they are right.
A husband may have committed adultery in the marriage for instance. The wife, according to scripture is free to divorce, or reconcile and stay married as she chooses. This does not absolve the wife of any wrongdoing in the course of the marriage however.
Now I am not saying that the wife may have caused her husband to sin because of anything she did. What I am saying is that when someone has been sinned against this grievously, there is a tendency to absolve ones self from any culpability in a troubled marriage.
Failure to assess one’s own sins within the marriage will block any chance of reconciliation, will lead to more of the same mistakes in the future and as in any sin seperates you from God’s forgiveness.
Now because the husband is the steward of the marriage covenant, the gender of the innocent party does matter in making decisions about divorce. The Christian community is full of godly Christian women who have non-Christian husbands. Godly Christian men with non-Christian wives are much more rare. This illustrates how much of an impact the husband has on the spiritual state of the marriage.
In relating this to divorce, it means that wives are much more likely to be wronged by their husbands than the other way around. If a man is unfaithful to his wife, it is quite possible that she was being the kind of wife God wants her to be. If a woman is unfaithful to her husband, it is much less likely that he was fulfilling his role properly.
This is not a universal law, but it is a general pattern. Some exceptions would obviously include situations where the marriage had deteriorated before he became a Christian. In such a situation, the marriage might be too far gone to save, or the wife may want nothing to do with Christ. The one thing to remember, as a general rule, is that the innocent party (man or woman) has access to many resources in the form of biblical teaching. These resources are rarely used.
Biblical Grounds for Divorce
Before addressing the grounds for divorce, we should recognize the distinction made between those who understand God’s law from the outside and those who understand it from within. Those who understand the law from the outside will simply use it as a checklist. “Ah, here it is. I get to divorce him.” But those who understand the covenantal nature of marriage will see why God sets down the requirements He does. They will also be prepared for any possible reconciliation.
Matthew 5:31—32, Jesus says this: “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery”
The word translated here as “sexual immorality” is porneias. It means sexual uncleanness or fornication. Porneias is a general term. It applies to sexual immorality before and after marriage.
Because marriage is a covenant surrounding the sexual relationship, sexual immorality strikes at the heart of that covenant. In such a case, the innocent party may, without sin, divorce his spouse. But if there is any opportunity for a godly reconciliation, it should certainly be encouraged.
The second biblical ground for divorce is addressed in 1 Corinthians 7:12—16. Paul says: ”But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, 0 wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, 0 husband, whether you will save your wife?
The issue in this passage is covenantal desertion. If the non-Christian is willing to live within the Christian understanding of the marriage covenant (as well as a non-Christian can; that is to say, externally), then he is sanctified. But if he decides to desert his spouse, the Christian is not bound.
The third class involves the violation of biblical laws that carried the death penalty. For example, in a just society, a mass murderer would be put to death. In ours, this frequently does not happen. Where does this leave the murderer’s spouse?
In such a case, the divorce has already occurred at the commission of the act even thought the death penalty may not have been carried out in fact.
So while it is true that Christians are not supposed to divorce their non-Christian spouses, this only applies if the non-Christian is willing to be married within God’s boundaries. But if the non-Christian is guilty of gross offenses (offenses that carried the death penalty in the light of biblical law), then the Christian should recognize what has already happened.
In 1 Corinthians 7:10—11, Paul says, “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”
The key to understanding this passage is the parenthetical phrase “not I but the Lord.” This does not mean, as some have thought, that Paul is claiming that this teaching is inspired, and the passage that follows in verse 12 (I not the Lord”) is uninspired.
It means that Jesus (during his earthly ministry) taught directly on divorce, and Paul is applying his teaching here. Divorce is forbidden, and if it occurs, someone is in sin. What God has put together, man does not have the right to separate. This means that divorce cannot be justified “for any and every reason.” The Word of God must regulate our behavior in every respect.
But Jesus’ teaching, while foundational, did not cover every possible situation. This was particularly obvious as the Christian church moved out in the Gentile pagan world, making significant progress. “I didn’t want a divorce, but now he has left me. . .“ So Paul goes on and teaches how a Christian is to react in such a situation when the one leaving is an unbeliever.
Sin in the realm of the marriage covenant causes not only heartache but also much theological controversy. The problem is the legitimacy of remarriage. Most Christian teachers would not insist that you have to live with someone who will not let you live with them. But some would still say that the wronged person does not have the right to remarry This is like saying that stealing is wrong, but that if someone steals your stereo, make sure you don’t buy another one. This overlooks the fact that the thief is the one who is committing the sin. Violators of the marriage covenant are always in sin. But the weight of this should fall on the one guilty of the violation, not the person sinned against.
We see, then, that sin which leads to divorce is prohibited, with no exceptions. Violators of the covenant are always in sin, and it is the violator of the covenant who is the cause of the divorce. But the Bible teaches that it is legitimate for us to recognize what the violators of the covenant have done, It is also legitimate for the spouse who was sinned against to recognize the status of the offender.
So, if the divorce paperwork is a godly recognition of the other person’s rebellion against God, then it is not rebellion against God. But if a divorce is initiated without any basis in the Word of God, then that divorce is sin. In order to be righteous, the divorce must be responsive— responsive to God, and to God’s assessment of the sin of the spouse.
