When Not To Talk
We watched and discussed a video tonite on when not to talk by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott.
The main point of the session was that you will definitely NOT have your best communication when one of you is not fully engaged. There are many reasons why your spouse may not be receptive to talking, interested in the subject or able to concentrate at the moment.
One guy in the video mentioned that when he got home from work, he needed to "zone out" for a while because he was with people all day and he needed to disengage before connecting with his wife. One woman said she didn’t want to be interrupted when she was already doing something that required her attention (1 thing at a time for her I guess).
Others mentioned; raging hormones, unreasonable anger and sickness as reasons to put off conversations about important things. Another guy used an anagram to know when not to talk: HALT - don’t talk when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
I don’t think, in our married life, I ever considered it "fair" to call off a conversation, especially an argument, for any of these reasons. I just assumed it would be a "cop-out" and to do it would be conceding the point. This opened our minds to the possibility that we may stand a better chance of coming to agreement by delaying talking until both people can fully give themselves to the subject.
The last admonition on the video was to not use this as an excuse to avoid certain subjects or put off unpleasant tasks.
Now, would I do that?
Recreational Activities Inventory
Before we married, much of our time together revolved around doing recreational things we loved to do and doing them together. Once married we often tend to go our separate ways pursuing those things we like most.
There’s nothing wrong with playing golf with your friends, shopping with others and doing things with folks who share your interests. However, we don’t want to miss the opportunity to be with the one you love when you are enjoying life the most! It’s a free deposit in the love bank. You associate your spouse with having fun.
This questionnaire might help you re-connect on some of those recreational activities you used to do together and discover some areas where you might develop a new interest.
Strangely enough, Vickie and I both expressed an interest in skydiving when we did the inventory - why not?
Try it yourself here: Recreational Activities Inventory
