In this exercise, we want you to take stock of what’s working and what’s not in the area of your communication. Do this separately before you compare notes. Review the list below and check what you do well and what your partner does well.
Who Does This Well Him Her Both Neither
Listening without interruption
Staying on topic
Ready to apologize
Controlling emotions appropriately
Giving full attention
Identifying and expressing feelings
Thinking clearly before speaking
Reserving opinion until the right time
Maintaining eye contact while talking
Being appropriately vulnerable
Permitting productive conflict
Speaking with clarity
Inviting and receiving feedback
Using humor appropriately
Coming across as personally warm
Expressing more genuine interest
Being assertive with needs
Knowing when to talk and not to
Once you have done this, review your check marks on the columns for items which you both do well and those which neither does well. These will be your communication strengths and weaknesses.
Those things that you agree you both do well deserve to be acknowledged while those that neither of you do well, you will want to make a note to work on.
For those items that you agree one does better than the other...good...at least there’s one expert in the house. If you don’t agree...well...that’s why we’re here isn’t it? Seriously – this is just an assessment of where we are right now in our communication skills that may help to map out where we want to be as we go on.
